The start of my birth month has brought with it a whirlwind of feelings. The memories of a broken friendship that swarmed and tainted my mind at this time last year appear to have been displaced by an experience that recently came to me purely through chance. These memories, I didn’t think, would dislodge themselves from me as soon as they have- they still stir within me from time to time, many of them still floating far into 2015, but they appear now diluted in their potency, their effect diminished in the way they manifest on me. I feared that the thoughts of the event from a year ago would forever plague me, clinging maniacally to my mind and forcing me to replay the painful scenarios over and over again, relentlessly ridiculing me and henceforth tarnishing the face of my favourite time of year, hypnotic gold to be evermore tinged with bitterness. Although those incidences will always reside within me in some form, I take somewhat silent pleasure in feeling that the occurrence of last night has reclaimed the month of November for me, which is something I am indescribably grateful and indebted to the Universe for.
Last night, through the generosity of a friend, I had the opportunity to see one of my all-time favourite bands, ten years and almost three months since I saw them last. The experience of it, that I was about to see them, didn’t quite become a perceptible reality to me until I saw the spires and flooding blue light of the celestial dome in which they would play, emerging from North Greenwich tube station on a chilly and misty Tuesday eve. I cannot compare the experiences of seeing them yesterday and ten years before as they were both unique and exceptional to me in their own right, for a myriad of reasons. Last night, however, was poignant to me as I genuinely thought I would never be able to see them again in this context and I am spellbound by the surprise and gift of this experience.
U2 have always been with me, within me, alongside me for my life to date, a relationship that fills me with such euphoria as it does heaviness, desperation and sadness at the length of life as, even if I were to live forever, I would still never have enough of them. Words cannot describe the feeling of their music and lyricism, their presence inside of me: it truly does feel like something that was awake within me even before my conception, a bond transcending human form. I feel as though I have always been with them. Being in the same room, the arena, as them felt intrinsically surreal, but after a little while normalised in familiarity within me, like I have always been there, seeing them play, hearing them sing and laugh and speak before me, wherever they are and have been in the World. Everything that they see and express and how it makes me feel is amazing to me. Without digressing too far into details regarding these certain mentalities, I don’t especially care for others’ misunderstandings of them because the relationship and comprehension I have with them is so dear and personal to me- it is one of the greatest things that makes me live.
For being able to share this experience with them and being in the presence of the love and elation and physical unity at the O2 last night, I am grateful. And to Ann(e) and Wendy who we met on the train, I hope you enjoyed your evening and it was lovely to meet you once again. ✌